day 3 - write about your family

As many do, I have a lot of family.  I have to draw a line somewhere.  So I am just going to write about the family I live with, that would include my husband and my son.

John is my other half.  We have been together for over 12 years and we have been married for 3.  When we met we were young and in college.  When our relationship started we were just two students who wanted to experience life together.   We have grown together.  I love John more ever moment I know him.  He is one of the most determined and loyal people I have ever know.  He is an amazing father, I always knew he would be.  Is eyes light up when he sees his son.

Lennon (Lenny) is a 2 year old.  If you have ever known a 2 year old, you know Lenny.  He is so full of raw joy that he can't contain it and it spreads to everyone around him.  I have never been angry with him.  Everything he does is wonderful and adorable in my eyes.  When he does something "bad" I have to hide my face to keep from smiling.  He laughs, he dances, he is a crazy little man.  He is everyone's reason to smile when they run out of reasons.

day 2 - where you would like to be in 10 years

This is a tough question, because I am pretty lost right now in some aspects of my life.  In ten years it will be 2021 and I will be 40.  I guess I would like to have more direction by that point.  I hope to have a better grasp of what I should be doing with my life that is the best for my family.  Right now my world is a little upside down as far as what I am doing.  I have a wonderful family that I love dearly, but I am unemployed.  I am torn mostly because being at home with my son everyday is by far one of the best experiences I have ever had.  On the other hand, we are not making a whole lot of money, John is working two jobs, and making ends meet is becoming increasingly difficult.    Money is not a focus in our life.  I like it that way.  But... we need to be able to take care of ourselves.  What needs to happen is I either need to start bringing in more money, John needs to be able to bring in more money or I need to learn to better manage the money that is coming in.  I am working on better managing the money that is coming in, but as far as the next ten years are concerned...  I do not know what will be the best option at this point.  If I am to get a job, should I continue doing what I have done in the past?  I am a good trainer, but is that what I should be doing?  It means I may have to be away from my family more then would be desirable.  Should I venture into another career?  If so what?  Should I stay at home and focus on Lennon, and just do very careful budgeting?  I don't know....  I guess the answer to "where would I like to be in the next 10 years" is that I would like to have these questions answered.

day 1 - introduce yourself

I started this blog in 2010... I think.  It would have been right at the beginning of 2010.  I introduced myself then.  I will have to read what I wrote then and compare it to what I am about to write...  see if I am still the same person.
I am Julie.  I am 30.  I am Lennon's mom.  I am John's other half.  I lost a child, her name was Marlee.  I am unemployed.  I have two brother's, Mykle and Kevin.  I have brown hair, brown eyes and I am extremely pale.  I love my paleness.  I also love my freckles after I have been out in the sun.  My parents live and breath for their children and I love them for that.  I am easily distracted.  I have an active imagination.  I adore animals, I sometimes place more respect on them then I do on other people.  I am a bit of a shut in if I allow myself to be.  I get insanely intence headaches that make all other pain in my live feel less significant.  I love to experience life in all of its perspectives and dimensions.  I love to plan trips.  I love to witness moments that take my breath away.  I am obsessed with ridiculous conspiracy theories, even when I know they are not true.  I often come across over confident when I am nervous.  I have a lot of Love in my life.
That is me in a nut shell.  Day 1 down, 29 to go :)

Ages

So it is 2 in the morning and I can't sleep.  I am sort of half awake so pardon my grammar.  I have had some insomnia over the last month or so.  I just can't stop my mind from racing at night.  Tonight I was laying in bed thinking about the last 4 years.  They have been maybe the most life changing 4 years I have experienced.  I think I am a different person then I was prior to 2007.  I sort of grew up.  Or at least grew into a new age of my life.

Before 2007 I was still "the student".  I was out of university, but I still had that frame of mind.  Absorbing the knowledge of others, I suppose.  Taking life a little too seriously.  Assuming I knew my place in this world.  Not bending on my ideals.  Having ideals and having a lot of carefree random fun.  In in April 2007 I lost my first baby to a miscarriage.  I think after that moment I moved into this new Age.

From April 2007 - Present, I have experienced the following:  I bought a home, I became engaged and then married, I got a good job, bought a new car, my traveling became structured vacationing or work travel, I had 2 pregnancies, lost a child, experienced the sensation of not breathing on my own,  learned to live with a pick line, has experienced daily visiting nurses, took in my little brother, was revitalized 2 times after my heart stopped, became a mother, watched my son live in a bubble for 2 months, experienced postpartum depression and severe anxiety attacks, went on disability and maternity leave, lost my grandmother, lost my good job, learned about unemployment,  watched my son take his first step, went to the ER for the first time in my life, went back to the ER, sat in a waiting room while my son was in surgery, watched my son say his first word, lost 3 dear family pets, grew closer to John,  watched my son turn into a little boy, learned more about myself, became confused, learned how insignificant and small I am in this world and excepted it...

I know it is kind of jumbled, and there is not a lot of detail about any one event.  That is what has been going through my mind at night.  Those are some of the thoughts that race through my mind.  Reviewing my recent life.  I think I just needed to write it down.  Life is just a little too much sometimes.  I don't regret a day, but it can be overwhelming.  Just my life, just one life.  How overwhelming is it to think that there are billions of people in this world.  All of them small and insignificant, but with such a huge internal existence.  It really is a strange reality.

Trying out the blogging thing

I thought maybe I should try blogging. I use to like writing and keeping a journal, but I haven't really done any writing since about 2007, so I am a little rusty.

I suppose I should write a little about myself. I have been married for 2 years but have been with my husband, John, for 11 years. We met at the end of my senior year of High School. He took me to my prom. I wasn't even going to go to prom, I am not really about social gatherings. I met John on his birthday, we hit it off and my friend Amy convinced me that asking him to prom would be a good idea. She was right. John and I have been together ever since. We have a 6 month old little boy, Lennon. He is adorable, and I am so happy to have him. He was born about two months premature and spent 2 months in the NICU. It was very difficult. I ended up suffering from postpartum depression and severe anxiety as a result of the experience. That will probably be another blog.

We live in upstate New York, where I have lived much of my adult life. I enjoy it here. I love the seasons, the natural wonders and the architecture in the area. John wants to leave the area but is sort of lost to which direction he wants to go. I am happy here until he figures it out. I don't think I have ever really been to or lived in a place that I can say I dislike. I think the people you surround yourself with are more important then where you happen to be located. That being said we do LOVE to travel! I love to escape to new places, meet new people and discover new ways to understand the world and myself. I will most likely blog about some of our adventures. We tend to get lost and end up in ridicules situations. It is a lot of fun. I can't wait to show Lennon the world.

In addition to our people family, I also have a fuzzy family. I love animals. I think I can probably say that I put them above people on the scale of who is more important in this world. I like how instinct dictates their decisions. I think a lot of people are in denial of their instinct. In my opinion instinct is one of the many pieces of ourselves that make us who we are, embrace it. Anyway, our home consists of three ferrets, two cats, a chihuahua mix pup, and a love bird. Having an animal family keeps us down to earth, reminds us what is important in life and most importantly helps us laugh everyday.

That is me in a nut shell. I will probably also be blogging about culture, religion/mythology, movies and other general interests.