I was looking through my old journal. I wrote this a few weeks before I lost Marlee in 2007. I clearly was having issues with morning sickness. Shortly after I miscarried I remember looking at it and I have been kind of scared to write in my journal since. Please don't mind me, in a weird way this is therapeutic for me. Here is what I wrote:
Eat, double over, eat, double over... Meet me in paradise. I will never see you there... Every thing smells like sweet berry vomit. I can't. My headaches are gone. The bad ones are gone. The spot and bugs and invisible images are gone. The voices are gone, the sparks are gone. The adventure and love and beauty are gone. The trees fell down and died. The perfect trees. The water froze over. The homes fell down. The money destroyed them all. The child eats me from the inside out. But I need reason. I have it but I don't. I am not me.. I am her... I summond her and lost myself. I invoked a spirit with the price of my life. You cannot return a gift from paradise. Double over.